Tuesday, 2 July 2013

You can't buy feelings

I'm still struggling with belonging after material things, I just can't help but it does not go away without nothing, it just remains and is eating my mind.

I learned a long time of my life to define myself with the material things around me. I really also admire the little details and in my photos you see the world around me with my eyes, I would not be able to become a minimalist. I just love to surruond myself with beauty and details. 
But it overhelms me how much I attach buying and having new things with how I feel. But it just kicks in for a moment and after this little moment of beeing fullfilled I'm more empty like before. I long even stronger after more things. I have my head full a lot of times of what I want, instead of how I want to feel. 
I just didn't found a way to step ahead and let go of this. 
My husband is all different in this way, he really does not care about any material thing in the world. He likes the things that serves him, like the car for moving to beautiful places or the computer to write his book, but for him they are replacable. It could be any computer or car in the world and it would not make a difference.

I attach in a unhealty way to material belongings, when I had to let go my first car, I was in tears. I just was so emotional about letting go this period of time behind me and step one step ahead. To my computer I have a special relationship and for me it's not the same if I write with mine or with the computer of my husband. I really realize that it does not serve me in any way, but still struggle to let go this strong boundaries. 

I loved things since I'm little and could spend days collecting and rearanging my stickers, without even use them once, because they felt so precious to me and if I would use them, I would not have them anymore. I started then when I was older to move to even buy things more then once. It wasn't something strange that I in my teens I had the same t shirt more then once and the clothes I felt special, I would not wear, until they didn't fit anymore to me and I had to let go them because of this. 
More then once in my life I faced this problems, I already let go of this a lot and try to use the nice dishes daily, wear the colthes I love most and make use of my materials always. 

But there is still this longing, for more. I'm sick of it!

My weekly goal of not buying anything for pleasure helped a lot to battle this feelings, to still down this longings. I really feel to have a very first class problem, but I think since the economy is made in a way that we should buy things, even if we do not need them, I'm not the only one.

For this week I have some more goals and will try to motivate myself by sharing them here on the blog and over at Mara from joyful life, go there if you want to link your own goals too or want to know more!

- I will still limit my buying and try to let go at least of one thing a day and in the end of the week I will bring them all to charity.

- Creating let my juices flow, moving into the action part makes me feel so much better and I will create daily.

- I was very consistent with exercising while loosing weight and it energized me a lot, then it always became a little less and now I'm at the point where I don't move anymore like I would need. So I will try for this week to work out 15 minutes a day, five days a week and hope I will go back to this habit 

I will keep the goals from the past that integrated very easy in my everyday.

- Writing daily in my journey, something little or a lot of pages, does not matter

- Let go of perfectionism and beeing kinder to myself

- Taking some photos daily

- Planning my days in the morning and beeing organized

Next thursday I have a free printable weekly planner to share and download ready for all of you! Wish you all a beautiful day full of sunshine!



  1. I identify with your need to save thing that I view as "special" so much! I used to buy a lot of candles, cards, books, etc. I was addicted to the buying and the collecting. I would never burn the candles. Hoard the cards. And the books continue to pile up unread. One day...I just decided to start burning, start sending, and start reading. What was I saving all of these things for?!? They should be used. Enjoyed. Shared! It felt freeing. And so I continue. Take the steps Eos. Move forward. Acknowledge your feelings and desires and then continue on your path towards freeing yourself. I know you can do it! Have you figured out what is driving the desire to buy? For me it was to replace a feeling of sadness. I was saving for a future "me" who was happier.

    1. Thank you Mara!
      I'm on my way and know that I should use them, but still not already there and it happens to save something in different occasions. Now that we move to switzerland it happend to me that I thought to safe things I can only buy here and had to come aware that it is better to enjoy things form here until the fullest before we move and then everytime we come back to visit. It's my weak point.
      The desire is to feel enough, for me. When I was a girl I was paid my feelings with gifts, it remaind and some parts of it are staying until now with me and I have this false believing that feeling loved is tied up with material things. I have the prove that it isn't like this, but still fighting with my inner self.
      Wish you a beautiful day


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